Thursday, September 29, 2005
not in the best mood now. and it din juz start right now, it started ever before lessons ended.suddenly i feel so tied down, so suffocated i seem to lose faith in myself. it's as though i cant live as freely as i always wanted to. of cos tat doesnt mean i look forward to a life with all chaos and 'last minute'. i dun like those too, if u know me well enough, u will notice how much i hate being disorganised.i dun deny i restrict myself many a times, sometimes due to my own principles, sometimes to save the 'face' of others. juz like playing solitaire, i hate to be tied down by other factors tat bring down my own ability. i could have said many things straight in their faces, i could have gone back to what i was in lower secondary, but i did not.it's tempting. i know the other gifts i have to make my life very much easier at times. sometimes, i look at pple like miss L and i envy her. she may be aloof and anti-social, but with it comes the reward too. no burden, no worries, no fluctuations in emotions.but i dun want it too. i never believe in one-man island. it irritates me. it's good to be matured and sensitive, it's a heavy job when people ard u dun do it. i understand good humour, but i HATE it when people misuse this humour to vent their own frustrations on me, or abuse the situation to make themselves feel happier at the expense of others.it's tiring to stay angry or unhappy with anyone for a long time. but it's a pity, i feel sorry for those people. i tend to form conclusions abt a person from his or her actions and behaviour. bcos of a big flair in them, other equally big good things abt them are all forgotten. sounds cruel but this is reality.i'm sorry that u have degraded urself from a fren to an ordinary person with lower than normal EQ and status, become someone i despise.i can probably expect many pple asking me if tat person is them, or who exactly is tat person. but does it matter?wat matters is tat we dun be like tat after this entry, isn't it?AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!now tat makes me feel better.
A Xinwei rainbow appeared at 6:30 PM***
